Photo: My dagger – a gift from my father – image edited in Photoshop
Relying on others is a double-edged sword, or dagger in the picture above. Don’t worry, the edges of said dagger are pretty dull. Anyway:
I’ve spent most of my life relying on the acceptance of others to find motivation. I’ve needed others to tell me that I’m good enough… that I’m following the right path… that I’m worth something…
The Danger
When that support is lacking or the words dry up, I’ve felt completely lost and alone.
When you feel lost and/or alone, you tend to struggle with depression; or at least I do. When you struggle with depression, it’s difficult to start something new or find enjoyment in life.
I can tell you with full confidence, however, that there is hope.
No matter how dark things seem to be, there is always light. There is always something to look forward to in life.
Though I took this picture in the early afternoon, it was storming outside. As you can tell, it was very dark inside my apartment.
I took the picture to send it in a text. Someone asked me how my day was going and the dark and the storm just about summed it all up for me. When I looked at the picture, I got a shock when I realized the contrast in the image. It hadn’t seemed that bright when I saw it in real life.
That’s how our lives are
Sometimes circumstances can seem so dark, but if we look for the light, we are going to find it.
Others can help us find the light. However, dear reader, we can’t rely on other people to give us our self-worth or bring us into the light.
Yes, we should be able to rely on people to help us out along the way, and we should be able to have friendships and other relationships on our journey. Actually, one of my favorite resources for this is Meet Up. It’s a great resource to find people near you who hold similar interests. And if there isn’t a group for you yet, you can always create one yourself!
Surround yourself with people
In my opinion, we should surround ourselves with people who care about us and support us.
However, when we rely on others to carry our entire weight for us, it pushes people away from us and we find ourselves on an island, separated from everyone and trying our hardest to not drown. Think about it: we tend to become resentful when we have to do all the heavy lifting for someone else; they feel the same way when we do it to them.
So, what do you do?
It’s time to work on your own sense of self-worth.
Personally, I find my self-worth in many places:
- My relationship with God and who He says I am – based on the Bible and my prayer life. If you are interested in hearing more about my faith, you can watch my videos on YouTube.
- Reaching small goals – writing for 10 minutes a day, getting my blog posts written on time, etc. If you need help learning to set goals, Actions for Happiness has a great resource here.
- Setting and meeting larger goals – for me: finishing drafts of books
Obviously, that isn’t a list of “many” things; it’s only a partial list. I also personally struggle with finding my worth outside of what others think about me.
Story time
The other day, I had an issue come up where another person showed frustration that I was sharing my thoughts in front of her; not to her, simply in front of her. It brought back memories from my past of others putting me down because I shared my thoughts too much and it sent me spiraling into feelings of inadequacy. As I was sinking into feelings of self-doubt, I received an email from the professor of that class telling me how insightful my thoughts are and how indispensable I am at the moment.
It was actually that encounter that sent me on the path of writing this post in the first place: realizing that – once again – I’m allowing how others feel about me to influence how I feel about me.
As I focus on the bullet points above and fix my mind on my skills, talents, and faith, I find that my sense of self-worth increases exponentially.
Loving yourself is one of the most difficult and arduous tasks you will ever pursue; however, it’s also the most fulfilling thing you will ever do for yourself.
Have faith in other people, knowing they care about you. But don’t rely on them to carry your self-worth. Only you can do that.
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Author 
I agree completely with you that you cannot rely completely on others for your self satisfaction. And personal value is not found from what somebody else will say or do, because you will only have to wait or manipulate them to get the answer that you are looking for. The answer that you are looking for is already a pre-meditated expectation wherein you have expected a specific outcome and reaction from an individual, who means something to you.
This is clearly a situation of setting yourself up for failure. Self sabotage is one of our greatest challenges. When we are insecure and battling with depression. We are addicted to the pain, the misery is a comfortable and familiar place for us to sit in. Yet, relax the skills or the knowledge. Or maybe we do have those two things and can still not summon enough strength to utilize those tools that we might have gained somewhere along the way. Why? I think it is because we are in a deep, dark and dreadful place, a place of our own making in prison. So unfortunate to live like that. Like this.
Currently I am so confused and unsure of myself when it comes to a romantic and intimate ly involved relationship with another person. To me and to mostly everybody else who I know or get to know on a personal basis. Well agree with me on this subject that this said, person, of importance, is definitely not solid or positively productive and almost any way possible. Possible. Meaning, they are ultimately lost and floundering through life. 13. Themselves and others along their path of destruction and listlessness. It’s a” death style ” of living is what a good person suggested to me that they are living. It’s not a lifestyle, it’s a death style.
This opened my eyes and honestly is not something I can easily overlook on a daily basis now. Sometimes it’s easier than others, but it’s always in the back of my mind. Being aware and scared that I am writing along this path of negativity which ultimately leads to death! There’s no doubt about it and there’s no argument to make, she is right when she said that. It scares me. I’m angry. I can’t stop or get out of this continuing circle of misery and also high levels of exaltation that render me helpless and dumb when it comes to accepting the fact that I am dying and killing myself quickly. Not only am I doing it to myself, but everyone around me is also suffering due to my own selfish and bad choices and actions that I am continually making.
Am I depressed? Yes. Am I crazy? Maybe. Am I insane? Yes. That is her is in the nightly. Yes, my life is insane and the definition of insanity is during the same thing. Expecting different results. Why? Why does this have to happen to me? I don’t understand what I can’t stop and step away! It’s so frustrating and it’s just so sick and distorted because it’s just more of my selfishness and maybe, possibly some self -hatred developing. Angry at myself. Or not stopping this sooner or being unable to change for the better. I don’t know. 10. Tomorrow is another day and I have plans to change and start the day off fresh. It’s a new day and a new dawn. This summer rise and I will have another fighting chance to change and save myself from this. Nowhere going fast and up living. If you can call it that.
My plan is to wake up at 7:00 or should I say 6:00 a.m., go to a support group at 7:00 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. and surround myself with strong -minded individuals who are living a lifestyle that I can admire and be proud and have something to work towards. When I see others like me successful fighting the good fight , it makes me happy. And gives me hope. Hope not dope. That is the key here. I am thinking. Not that it’s all about that. It goes much deeper and has become more okay than I can ever imagine. One day at a time. 1 minute at a time. Living in the now and being grateful are going to be new methods in my toolbox of life skills. Actually, they will not be new because I already know them and have used them before. Which I am so fortunate for. I have studied and practiced these healing methods for years and I know what I need to do. Thank God. I can pray on that simply and be grateful each and every day that I have the tools in my self. And that I can choose to break them out and use them whenever I can. I’m not a lot cause and I don’t need, I don’t want, and I don’t want to need to rely on someone. Or anyone for that matter !
I absolutely love my life and I love myself. I’m a good person and I know that I deserve much better than what I am living right now. I think everyone in my life who cares about me to tell lynnie the same thing. Thank God I do have people in my life that care about me and support me. Everything’s all set up and my ducks are in a row. I just need to get up and knock them down. I’m ready. I’m working on it on a daily basis and have been for a while now. Tomorrow is a new day. God bless each and every day that we have on this earth. It’s okay to be imperfect and depressed and weak sometimes but don’t get lost in it because sometimes it’s hard to come back. I know how it is and it ain’t easy. It’s okay to rely on others if you need two for a while. That’s the only way that we can get right. Sometimes. We have to rely on other people. We are human, we are sociable, being and need others in our lives. Especially those that love and care for us deeply and on the real. That is invaluable in life and what makes life worth living. I love life and I want to have a better outcome or myself. Thank you for your help and your hope. It’s so important to remember these things. Thank you again. Sorry for rambling on.
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Wow! What insights and beautiful thoughts. Thank you for sharing! I’m so glad you have people in your life you can turn to. Yes, we definitely need others in our lives. It’s nearly impossible to stick with something when we have no one holding us accountable. I can try to guilt myself as much as possible, but until someone else is “in the know” it doesn’t matter how committed I might be.
I may not have the same struggles as you, but I’m loved by the same God. I’m here if you ever need anyone to message/talk to. You WILL make it through this season and the rest of your life. Keep turning to the light. It’s hard. It’s hard work and it’s exhausting some days, but it’s so worth it. When we turn toward the light, even with the struggles, we find ourselves truly living. You’ve got this!
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Thank you Brittany for your kind words. I apologize for “venting” on your blog site. I was having a rough go of it that day, but as things go the days have gotten better. Honestly, I am now doing much better now. Amazingly, as of the other day, I have changed up some undesirable habits and actions seriously, to help change and guide my life as you say, “towards the light.”
God bless this day.
May Creator guide and show us all that we are always and forever loved!
Have a wonderful day.
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Oh, never apologize! We are here to walk this journey called life, and this blog is here for people. So it’s 100% cool. I’m so glad things are improving and I will keep you in my prayers!
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