Hope :: Overcoming Fear

Photo by John Salvino on UnSplash

This is not a message on exposure therapy. I don’t care how many people tell me about it, I will NOT subject myself to being surrounded by spiders in order to overcome that particular fear.

Instead, this post is about my own journey and overcoming some of my fears, specifically about my future.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to end up missing out on something that could be big. I don’t want to live my entire life playing it safe only to end with, “What if I had done x, y, or z???”

However, I’m that person who doesn’t like to act on something unless I know I’m going to succeed. I’ve done it before and fallen flat on my face. I struggled with depression for quite a while because of it. I don’t want to repeat that.

I also know, though, that if I never take a chance, I may never reach my God-given potential.

Right now, I’m applying for colleges to get a Masters Degree in English or Publishing (depending on the school). It’s a lot of work to prepare the applications! I have to read books and write 15-20 page literary analyses for some applications, while other applications require a 5 page non-fiction essay.

Those are the things I’ve come across so far.

But do you want to know the biggest thing that causes me to procrastinate?

Fear.

Fear that I won’t be accepted.

Fear that I’ll not be able to afford it.

Fear that it won’t be what I’m hoping for.

These fears, though, should never stop me. It’s something that I truly want to pursue! I made a determination last week that I was going to suck it up and just do it.

I wanted to apply to a couple of schools in the UK, but fear was telling me that I would never get it. It was telling me that I had no right to apply to schools outside of the United States, much less outside of my general region within the US.

I made a passing comment to a coworker about wanted to attend a university in London but didn’t think I’d apply. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “Do it. Apply. What if they say yes? You won’t know if you don’t try.”

I currently have 25 tabs open on my Safari internet browser. 24 of them are specifically for college applications and requirements. Some of them are for the same schools, just different windows.

To me, the possibility of rejection is almost paralyzing. But I also know that if I don’t do this… if I don’t at least try… I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.

So what fear is holding you back in life right now? What ‘what if’ is keeping you from trying?

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me!

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