Anyone who knows me (on a personal level) knows that I am a major overthinker. I also have ADHD (inattentive). The “hyperactive” part for me happens in my mind, which means I hyper-fixate on an issue. So, I overthink to the point where I (1) send myself into a panic attack, or (2) freeze, unable to make a decision because I’m so anxious about the outcome. Usually, it’s the latter for me.
Recently, I was able to start meds for the ADHD, and they have honestly changed my life—for the better. They haven’t “fixed” me (because I’m not broken), but they’ve helped me function at a much healthier level.
For instance, in the past, when it came to emailing the publishing houses where I’m a freelancer, I would agonize for weeks and weeks about whether I should reach out to them. Finally, I would decide to reach out to a friend in the field and ask her if she thought it would be okay if I sent a message checking in about x. Her response was always, without fail, “Absolutely. You’re really good at phrasing things in a non-pushy, low-key way. Go for it!” And each time, I’d hold my breath as I typed up the email, still agonizing even with her blessing, and (closing my eyes after putting the cursor on the button) hit “send.” And it always worked out just fine. Guess what? I’ve done it twice in the past two weeks with literally zero agonizing, no overthinking, and gotten responses back next day with zero issues.
Game. Changer.
Anyway, I was talking to a friend the other day and telling her there were a few days a few weeks ago where events happened that sent my mind spiraling (note that the meds aren’t a fix-all), but that—eventually—I was able to work through it. She asked, “What do you do when your thoughts spiral out of control? How do you get them back under control?”
That conversation led to this post. I’m sure there are others who could use this same advice. So here are some of the key things I suggest.
#1 Take a Shower/Bath
This is usually the first thing I do when my mind starts spiraling. I don’t know what it is about it, but doing something physically to care for myself really helps to shut my brain up, at least for a few minutes. Even when the water in my building doesn’t get super hot for the shower, it doesn’t seem to matter all that much. It’s still a great way to focus on something other than my thoughts.
#2 Change Your Setting
If at all possible—and taking every precaution—get out of the house/apartment/dorm. Go to a friend’s house—you don’t have to talk about what’s going on; sometimes just being around other people is enough to calm your mind. Take a walk. Visit something fun or free nearby. Just get away from where you’ve been stewing in your own thoughts.
#3 Get Off Social Media
It doesn’t need to be long and it doesn’t need to be permanent. But whatever is causing your thoughts to spiral, it’s not going to be helped by anything on social media. Social media is built to cause comparison and competition. If you’re already spiraling, do yourself a favor and stay away from the toxicity. Your “friends” will still be there tomorrow.
#4 Vent to a Trusted Friend
This isn’t someone who’s going to tell you exactly what you want to hear. It also isn’t someone who is going to tell what you share to the world. Sometimes just getting the words out to your friend is the release you need to realize how unrealistic your thoughts were becoming. Sometimes your friend needs to give you some tough love and tell you why you’re wrong. Either way, you need to trust that what you share isn’t going to be shared with anyone else.
#5 Read Something Positive
I turn to the Bible now. But you can turn to something that you know snags your mind completely and lifts your spirits. I don’t suggest movies or TV, because it doesn’t engage your full brain. When you read, you have to fully engage to know what’s going on. And if you find your mind wandering, start the section over and read out loud for a few lines until your mind latches onto the words.
#6 Write It Out
You can do this by hand or on the computer or your phone. Maybe you don’t have a person you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with. Sure, the journal or computer or phone can’t talk back to you, but once again, getting your thoughts out in solid form—and not just swirling in your head—can help you see where you’re being unrealistic. At the very least, the practice of putting words on paper can ground you in a way letting the words live in your head cannot.
Does it always work?
No. None of these always works. Even doing all of these in a row doesn’t always work. But the more you practice taking control of your thoughts earlier in the spiraling process, the easier it gets for these practices to work when it matters.
Do you have any other suggestions? Share them in the comments!
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Brittany Stonestreet 