You know, in today’s world, it’s really easy to become cynical. It’s easy to be pessimistic and lose sight of hope . . . without even realizing it’s happening.
My mom used to talk about my optimism and how I could find the positive in anything. It used to seem like a superpower of mine.
Until, suddenly, one day, it wasn’t anymore.
There wasn’t a slow, gradual downgrade of slightly less positivity from one day to the next. At least not that I remember.
It seems like one day I was bright eyed and hopeful and the next—I wasn’t. It was just gone. The light had been smothered. Without warning, without a sound, and—seemingly—without a way to get it back.
It was like in the movies where the character is about to tumble off a waterfall, except I had already crested the precipice and there was no getting back to the top. I was on a free fall of cynicism and pessimism and all the other “isms” that aren’t so pleasant.
So what did I do?
Well, for a while, I stayed in that place. Oh, believe me, I tried to get out of it. I talked to other people. I tried to pray. But for the most part, I settled under my little dark cloud of unhappiness and pulled the cover over my head and gave in to the feelings of hopelessness.
When my mom asked me what was going well in my life, I thought long and hard for several minutes and answered, “Nothing. Everything just . . . is. Nothing positive. Nothing negative. It just is.”
After being on the waiting list for several months, I finally—finally—got in with a primary care physician, which led to finally getting set up with a psychiatrist and getting into a therapist.
I was able to get on a mild antidepressant, which helped me get my head above the water I hadn’t been so successfully treading since my dad passed away at the end of 2020.
That, plus therapy, helped get emotion moving again. And I started seeing the silver lining on the super dark rain clouds that had been marring my life for a few years. I was in grad school, but I hadn’t been enjoying it. I was in a church and part of a community, but I wasn’t growing. But with these two things, I was able to finally start seeing the light again. Something that had been lacking for a long time—but something I didn’t have any idea how to attain anymore.
I’m continuing my therapy sessions, but we’ve eased off of the antidepressant completely. It was something that was necessary for a season, but one that, with doctor supervision, I could eventually go without.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because I want you to know that I’m not just going to give you advice on finding the bright side in life in everyday living. I’m not going to just tell you to look around you and find one positive thing going on or find ten or thirty minutes a day to do something you love (though those are things you can definitely do).
As much as that sort of advice can help, I know that not everyone can find the bright side by following it. Sometimes you need medication to get there. (No, I’m not saying every single person who’s going through a rough patch should go on an antidepressant, because that’s just not true.) Sometimes you need a counselor to get there. (A lot of times, we all need someone to whom we’re not related with whom we can share openly and honestly without risk of backlash or judgment.)
I know how hard it is to get in with a counselor. I spent the first two years after my dad passed trying to find one that would take my insurance. I was unsuccessful. But part of that was that I gave up after the first one (because it took me several months just to build up the courage to call) for many months.
Then I moved to Boston and had to get referrals for everything from a PCP, but every primary care physician who accepted my insurance was either not accepting new patients or had a long wait-list. So I get it.
But keep advocating for yourself. You will get there. Don’t be like me (originally) and give up after the first one or two don’t come through for you. Eventually you’ll find someone. It’s worth it.
Now, for the practical advice I mentioned above.
If you’re not in the deep sinkhole of depression, and you haven’t fallen off the precipice of the waterfall, it’s probably a bit easier to do some of the following:
- Make a list of the ways you’ve succeeded over the past year, six months, month . . . whatever the length of time, list your successes. You probably don’t think often of the ways you’ve succeeded, but when you put them all down in solid form, you start to see that there really is something great to look back on, and maybe there is quite a bit of hope for the future.
- Set aside one day a month (or a half day if you can’t spare a full day) to turn off all electronics and spend time with someone you love or on your own doing something you love. Technology can be great, but it also has a way of dragging us down or keeping us tethered to the negativity of the world. Spend some time without it. It’ll be hard at first, but as you practice spending time without it, it will get easier, and you’ll feel better for it.
- Set aside 10–20 minutes every day to decompress and write about something good that happened that day.
- If you are someone of faith, spend dedicated time each day in prayer and meditating on the Word (or whatever writings are part of your faith).
- Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, make time each week to be around other people. I am an introvert, and I spend time working with a friend. We sit together, but don’t really talk. It gets me out of my house (where my brain has way too much alone time), and we’re able to chat every once in a while. It may seem odd to some, but it has actually been really helpful to both of us.
- Before you go to bed each night, stop and list: 5 things you accomplished that day, 4 things that made you smile that day, 3 things you hope to accomplish tomorrow, 2 things you’re grateful for, and 1 thing you did better at today than you did yesterday. You don’t need to write it down unless you want to.
You can do any or all or none of the things above. These are just some ideas to help you find the bright side in life. If you have other ideas that help you find the bright side, list them in the comments! Share them with the rest of us. I’m sure we could all use the positivity.
This life can be difficult. It can feel overwhelming and like the darkness is encroaching inch by inch. But if you are still clinging to the light, surrounding yourself with other people and searching for the bright spots in life can keep the darkness at bay. And if you find yourself sunk in the pit, know that you are not alone. But you don’t need to stay there. It won’t be easy to get out, but the good news is that, eventually, if you want to get out, you will get out.
Don’t forget: if you ever need anything, I’m here. I’m not a counselor or anything, but I can help you find tools and resources and people. I’ve been where you are. You’ll make it through.
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Brittany Stonestreet 