Happy Monday, dear readers! I know there wasn’t a post last week, but I wanted to bring us back to Mondays being our posting day. What better way to start off our week than with a bit of hope?
I’ve written this post several times. Each time it hasn’t quite come across right because I’ve been trying to use other people’s words as a kick-off. But I’m not going to do that here.
It can be really easy to put on a mask and hide who we are to fit in. It can also be easy to go against our conviction and do things we know we shouldn’t because “everyone else is doing it.”
In both of these cases, we are hurting ourselves, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
First, let’s look at masking.
I spent a lot of my life from seventh grade on masking who I was. Well, actually, I spent a lot of my time from kindergarten on masking, but it got way worse after my elementary school best friends both split ways with me, one by telling everyone all my secrets before going to a different school and the other by telling me she never actually liked me and just felt sorry for me. Both situations broke my heart and made me stop trusting people.
I had always been a bit weird. I guess I should say I always HAVE been a little weird, because I’m still a bit weird today. But I embrace that weirdness now.
Anyway, from kindergarten through graduating undergrad, and even when I was a teacher and working for a church out in California, I felt like I needed to mask some of my biggest oddities because I wanted to fit in. I wanted people to like me.
But it was exhausting and I always ended up falling short and showing my true colors sooner or later. This led to bullying while I was in school. I still remember freshman year in college when I couldn’t sleep one night. I heard my name at one in the morning, so I grabbed my blanket and sat at my door, listening at the crack. I heard a group of the girls from my dorm talking about how much of a dork I was and how they couldn’t believe a freak like me actually thought I fit in with them.
I was devastated. Again.
I don’t tell these stories so you’ll feel bad for me. I tell them because I have a feeling some of you have lived these same lives.
When I worked for the church in California, I became friends with the pastor and his wife. But those friendships didn’t develop until I let myself be me around them and they found out what a “dork” I really am. And they loved that part of me. It really fit in with them.
Since then, I’ve stopped hiding my true self. Yes, I still have to temper it sometimes, because there are places where I need to be a bit calmer. But I love being me. And no, not everyone is going to like my true self. But masking is exhausting. Not masking has led me to true friends, and that’s a beautiful thing.
Now, going against our convictions and doing the things we know we shouldn’t because “everyone else is doing it.”
Sadly (for you, not me), there’s not a lot in this category for me. I’ve always been so afraid of getting in trouble that I’ve mostly stayed away from these things. That doesn’t mean, though, that I haven’t been tempted.
These things include indulging in alcohol, sex, drugs, porn, smoking, or any other number of things. They can seem simple and without consequence. You might say, “I’ve been with my girlfriend for __ years, so it’s okay if we sleep together or move in together.” Or, “I don’t really have any responsibilities, so it’s okay if I go out and get drunk every Friday night. It’s just me at home. What’s the big deal?”
The big deal is that these things go against God’s design for us. If you are a Christian, then you are called to follow God’s Word in every way, not just the ways that seem best to you. If you’re not a Christian, then you’re morally off the hook, but a lot of these things are still not healthy for you, and you should work to get away from them so you can be mentally and physically at your best.
What I’ve noticed is that a lot of people today don’t have any interest in doing these things until they’re around a group of people who are doing these things. Then they feel obligated to do them so they fit in, even if it goes against what they truly want to do.
So not only are you harming yourself physically, you are also harming yourself mentally and spiritually. You’re, in effect, breaking off a piece of yourself each time you do something that goes against what you want to do and stomping on that piece, telling yourself that your own wants and needs don’t matter.
So, I know I just threw a lot of stuff at you all at once. And some of it was probably hard to hear/read. Especially that last part.
If you walk away with nothing else, I want you to leave with this: your wants and needs—and I’m talking about your soul-deep wants and needs, not your physical desires—matter. You shouldn’t ever ignore the convictions of your heart to try to fit in with the status quo. No one else is going to stand up for your convictions. Only you.
No one else is going to take your mask off for you. It’s up to you to remove the mask and be yourself.
You’re a pretty amazing person and you deserve to stand tall and walk without a mask. No other person knows what’s best for you, and no one else knows your convictions.
Be yourself. Be strong. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are. It may take you a little while to find them, but when you do, it’s worth it.
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*Disclaimer: My “sadly” comment above means I don’t have a lot of words to share to help in getting out of these situations. I’m not bragging about how “good” I am, because I’m not. I may not do those “big” things, but I still sin.
Brittany Stonestreet 