I’m writing this week’s blog as someone who’s still working at setting boundaries, but I can tell you from experience that setting boundaries is definitely worth it.
Back in 2016 (I think), I had a friend suggest Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend (before it was updated and expanded). Before then, I was a pushover when it came to people asking me for help. I always felt like I needed to say yes or I was a bad person.
Maybe you feel the same way.
But that just isn’t true.
Over the years, I’ve gotten better at saying no, though I still struggle sometimes. What’s really helped me through it all is thinking about the topic of respect.
I can usually tell when watching someone whether or not they want to do something when I ask them. If they don’t, I try to give them a way out. I try to respect their time and feelings. In the same way, I’ve learned to respect myself. It’s taken a long time, but we all deserve that same honor and respect.
Whatever you would do to support and build up the people around you, you need to do for yourself.
I’m not going to lie and say that setting boundaries is painless. Those around you have probably gotten used to you allowing certain behaviors. Maybe they talk about topics that make you uncomfortable or they’ve gotten used to you bending over backwards to accommodate them. These are just two examples of the myriad ways people cross your personal boundaries.
The first few (or few dozen) times you set your boundaries for people, there will be pushback. Some may take your boundaries as jokes and will treat them that way. Others may become angry at your boundaries.
But this is not a reason to back down and give up.
Don’t be embarrassed by your boundaries.
You deserve the limits you set. And for those who can’t accept those limits… well, it may be time to distance yourself from them.
When you start living life within your boundaries, you’ll start living freer. It won’t feel like you’re giving up little pieces of yourself anymore. Because of this, you’ll be able to live in hope.
Respect yourself. You deserve to be honored. Set boundaries. And, seriously, read the book. I can’t emphasize that enough. I’m not an expert on teaching others to set boundaries, but these guys are. Let them guide you.
Live in hope, my friends.
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Brittany Stonestreet 