I bought this ring for myself when my last long-term boyfriend left me for a girl ten years younger. I bought it to remind myself that God always needs to come first in my life. I also bought it to keep guys (hopefully) from asking me out.
What I found was that creepers saw it on my left hand and asked me out anyway. “Are you married? Engaged? Got a boyfriend? Wear it to keep guys away?” while the “normal” guys steered clear. Eventually I moved it to my right hand, but then everyone left me alone.
And I was okay with that. Mostly.
That poor little ring has been through a lot. This isn’t the first time I’ve smashed it, but this is the worst.
See, four weeks ago at work, I was reaching for something in the steel (open shelving in the back room) and somehow the ring twisted around upside down on my finger. It got caught on a metal bar, bent and twisted, and it almost broke my finger. It actually cut the back of my finger a bit.
At this point, it’s bent a bit too far out of whack to fix. Bending and twisting it back into place will over-twist it and it’ll be no good anymore.
Sad day.
But that’s not my point.
See, I’ve been wearing that ring as protection from the world. I originally got it for dual purposes: protection and as a reminder that God comes first. Then, for about four years, it became solely the latter: God comes first.
Or so I thought.
Every relationship I’ve ever been in has left me banged up and bruised. The last one I was in was short-term. It ended on my terms, but even it ended with the guy using mental abuse against me.
It’s made me feel like that ring.
It’s made me feel like if I bend and twist myself back into place, if I put myself back out there one more time, I’m going to completely fall apart. I’ll never shine like I used to.
But see, that’s the great thing about being human and about having a God who loves me: I’m made in His image and He loves me through every break and bend and twist.
Putting on that ring for armor meant I wasn’t trusting God to have my best. The dual purpose was good (God SHOULD come first), but in reality, I wore it because I didn’t want to deal with dating. And when I did date, I used it as my excuse to not open up or get too close.
Am I going to order another one? Yup. Because it feels weird to not wear a ring after having it on my finger for so long.
But rather than using it for protection, I’m going to use it for one thing only: to remind myself that God comes first. I trust that He will protect me. That’s all the protection my heart needs if I’m following Him instead of my heart.
But romantic relationships aren’t the only things we do this with. We do this with friendships and familial relationships too. And it even goes beyond relationships.
I know for me, it goes into jobs.
I’ve been passed over for so many jobs and internships that I’m now shy about even wanting to apply for one more. I ask, “What’s the point? They’re not even going to give me an interview?”
And yet. And yet a couple of months ago, a publishing house reached out to me because they received my résumé and cover letter in the mail. They were looking to hire a few more freelance copy editors for their pool and I had caught their eye. So I took a couple of tests and I passed.
Now that I’ve finished and turned in my very first assignment with them, I feel it’s safe to finally announce that I am officially a freelance copy editor for WaterBrook and Multnomah, a Christian imprint for Penguin Random House.
As bruised and twisted as I felt, God never gave up on me. I had given up on hoping that any of my cover letters would see the light of day, but it just needed to be done in God’s timing.
The same thing happens with relationships of all sorts.
Don’t give up hope.
There is always a plan. God’s protection and love are real.
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Brittany Stonestreet 