Happy Wednesday! I can’t say it’s been a super busy two weeks, but what I can say is that my schedule has been very off, thus causing me to miss posting last week and getting behind schedule to post this week (hence why this post is coming out at 1:00 p.m. instead of 6:00 a.m.), but I figured better late than not at all, this week! Last week I was traveling back from visiting my mom. This week, Memorial Day threw me off schedule and I didn’t realize yesterday was Tuesday until well into the night. I try to write my posts ahead of time (be a week ahead or so), but with vacation, I fell behind. So, my apologies! I’ll be back on track starting next week!
Now, onto our regularly (slightly off) scheduled program! 😉
Last week, I started thinking about everything going on in my life. I do that a lot, don’t get me wrong. But last week, in particular, I was thinking about what it’s taken to get where I am. I thought about the times I’ve stepped out in faith (been brave) and the times I’ve been faithless (been timid).
And I started wondering about the differences and why I’ve done each of the things I’ve done in my life.
Stepping Out in Faith
There have been many times in my life when people have commended me for stepping out in faith:
- Moving to Southern Maryland on my own to teach.
- Moving to California on my own to work at a church.
- Leaving my steady job in California to go back home.
- Moving to Boston to attend grad school.
Those are the big things. People always tell me how brave I am to go somewhere I don’t know anyone to do something I’ve never done before. But if I’m being completely honest, I always try to tell them this: there isn’t anything brave about it.
I knew it was what I was supposed to do. But more than that (with the exception of moving back home after California), I knew there was little to no risk.
I mean, sure, going to grad school has its downsides of student loans and homework . . . but when it comes down to it, I knew that—whether I enjoyed any of the jobs/school or not—I would have work, a roof over my head, and food to eat. So, really, was I stepping out in faith? Or was I stepping out in semi-faith? Would I have done any of those things (minus moving back home) if any of them hadn’t been a sure thing? I’m not so certain.
Letting Timidity Rule
I don’t like talking about my personal life. Especially my love life. FYI, it’s completely nonexistent at the moment. And has been for the past several years. But I’m going to talk about it here—now—where the whole world has the potential to see it. Haha!
Friendships and dating relationships are where I allow timidity to rule.
I used to be braver with dating. I used to take life by the horns and be the one to step up and ask the guy. I got turned down flat by a bunch of them in high school. Thankfully it was all over the phone, so at least they never saw my face turn bright red in shame and embarrassment!
As I got into college and beyond, I was able to grow several relationships. I’m not going to go into any details of those relationships here except to say that there was a lot of mental and emotional abuse tied in with each of them, and I was too messed up and so happy to just be noticed by a guy—any guy—that I let it go for far too long.
Each of these relationships burned me. I’ve been working through all of this through therapy, but they’ve left their scars. So when I met a guy I was truly interested in, I was unable to let him see that I had any interest at all. I wasn’t able to be brave.
When it comes to friendships, it’s a bit different. I got burned by a few friends in elementary school and it made it difficult for me to trust anyone for a very long time. After years of building friendships—very slowly—and seeing that some people can be trusted, it’s gotten a bit easier, but I still struggle in some areas. My biggest timidity comes into play when it comes to stating what I want.
I’ve always been a people-pleaser. This means that if we’re supposed to hang out, I don’t want to be the one to pick where we go or what we do, because I don’t want to pick something that my friend(s) won’t enjoy. If my friend doesn’t enjoy talking on the phone, we don’t talk on the phone. If the friend doesn’t like to text, we don’t text. This means that there are areas where I feel unmet needs in the friendship, but because I’m trying so hard to be what the other person needs I try to just let it go, but that isn’t right either.
Bravery in Humility
One of the biggest things I’m working on right now is respecting myself. I try to honor everyone around me by doing what they want. I try to make myself small so others can get what they want (even to the point of giving up my desires so others can have it instead), but that isn’t right. There should be a balance.
And this is where bravery in humility comes into play.
God tells us to speak truth in love. He also tells us to love others like ourselves. (There’s also a verse in there that teaches us to treat others as better than ourselves, but we need to get the first part before we can do this part well, in my opinion. It’s something I spent many years not understanding.)
If we don’t love ourselves, if we don’t give respect to ourselves, if we can’t look in the mirror (something I tend to avoid) and say, “I love me,” or write a list of the things we love about ourselves, then we’ve got a major problem on our hands.
As uncomfortable as it might feel, as wrong as it might seem, get out a piece of paper—do it right now or you probably won’t do it at all—and write your name at the top. On this piece of paper, you need to write at least one thing you can do well—and why you like doing it; one thing you like physically about yourself—and why; one thing mentally you like about yourself—and why; and one thing you’d like to like about yourself—and how you’re going to get there.
I know it can be tough to focus on yourself. I know it can be really hard to think good thoughts about yourself. That’s why I’m challenging you to do it. If you didn’t do it before, then do it sometime this week. I’ll put mine after my signature so you know I’m not just forcing you to do it on your own.
What Next?
So, once you start learning to love yourself well and have respect for yourself, you can better build relationships with those around you.
Also, when you love and respect yourself, you know yourself a whole lot better, you know your strengths and weaknesses, and it makes it easier to make those leaps of faith.
Remember that move from California to back home I mentioned a couple of times?
That happened in November of 2020. I’ve written about it here multiple times, but that was a leap of faith that I never hesitated on. I was struggling in California, don’t get me wrong. Things weren’t perfect in my job, and I wasn’t exactly happy there, but I was willing to stick it out. But I was sitting at home with my prayer journal one night at the end of October and I just knew I needed to go home. Every fiber of my being knew, without a doubt, I needed to turn in my 2-week notice at work, pack up my car with my cat, and go home.
I know 2020 was a devastating year for everyone. But it was the year where I really got to know ME. It was the year where I started learning to stand up for myself. And it was the year I started listening to my gut—which I know is the Holy Spirit.
So despite everyone asking why I didn’t wait until Christmas or the end of the year, I was adamant. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I needed to go home. Yes, I was leaving a stable job. Yes, I was leaving behind my best friend. Yes, I was leaving behind a dear friend and mentor. But I needed to go home.
And for the very first time in my life, I took a true leap of faith. I took five days to drive across the country, just me and my cat. I made it in plenty of time to spend Thanksgiving with the whole Stonestreet clan. I made it in time to spend 25 days with my dad before he died.
Do I get it right all the time now? Nope.
Do I still struggle to be brave? Absolutely.
But I know that when it matters, being brave will come naturally. And I know my limits and boundaries now. So when those boundaries get crossed, I stand my ground. I’m brave, in love and humility, when it counts.
I’m imperfectly human, and that’s okay.
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Brittany Stonestreet
- What I can do well and why I like to do it—singing, because it brings me peace when I’m doing it.
- One thing physically I like about myself and why—my eyes, because they’re blue, but they have brown around the pupil and it makes me feel like I’ve got a bit of both my parents in my eyes.
- One thing mentally I like about myself and why—my imagination, because it makes it possible for me to write stories.
- One thing I’d like to like about myself and how I’ll get there—not be so introverted in large groups; start small, by talking to one or two new people at church or other events
Brittany Stonestreet 
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