Hello, wonderful readers!
Thank you for your patience and understanding over the past six months or so. I’m going to delve into that journey a bit, but mostly I’m going to talk about all of the things I’ve learned about myself during this season.
Faith
As much as I love God, it’s been extremely difficult to hear His voice, which means I’ve felt directionless. I knew He called me to Emerson College in Boston, but it felt like I was here with no idea what I was supposed to do next.
Yes, the schooling is going to take me 2.5 years, but I felt like I needed to know what was coming up next. I was applying for job after job and internship after internship. I still couldn’t figure out God’s plan for me.
Professional
The typical order of events in my field is get some schooling, participate in internships, get an entry-level position, and hope to eventually grow.
Since last summer, I’ve applied for fifteen different paid internships (and even more unpaid internships). This is the “right” step.
My professors (and friends who are professionals in the industry) told me my résumé and cover letter were both on point. I was told I should have zero issues getting internships and that I could probably even go ahead and apply for entry-level positions and have no issues.
So along with the internships, I also applied for every single editorial assistant position listed. So this was a LOT of paying jobs I’d applied for.
I didn’t get a single interview.
Nothing makes you feel more worthless than getting zero job interviews.
What it led to
I spent a lot of time feeling completely confused. And I kept trying to take it to God, but it felt like there was a barrier between me and Him and my prayers were coming back void.
I thought, since the internships were still over a month away from starting that I still had a chance, even if my professor said they usually have them chosen by then.
And then we had a graduate student end-of-year gathering. And all of my fellow classmates talked about their final interviews that week, or their already-set-in-stone internships, and my initial reaction was absolute dejection.
Reflections
That night, I did a lot of soul searching. And I started looking at everything I’ve done over the past year and everything I’ve enjoyed doing (then and throughout my whole life).
- I wrote reader’s reports for my unpaid internship.
- I provided developmental editing suggestions for manuscripts for the same internship.
- I absolutely loved my copyediting course and couldn’t get enough of it.
- I got hired as a contractor to provide feedback on book proposals and their attached chapters.
- While visiting California over spring break, I had several people tell me they felt I should pursue freelance copyediting since I enjoy it.
- My book publishing professor mentioned a fall copyediting mentorship program multiple times to me based on the skills he had seen so far.
Realizations
I’ve been chasing what the world sees as the proper order of events. And I felt that if I wasn’t doing what everyone else was doing, then I was failing. And that made the depression kick in full-force.
But when I sat down with those reflections above, I started realizing: I may have not been listening to God’s guidance, but He was sending the same message over and over and over and over and… well, you get it. Every person I came in contact with who was in the field was sending the same message: you’re good at copyediting and developmental editing. You love it. Pursue it.
But because it didn’t fit what everyone else is doing, I wasn’t willing to listen to it!
Guys! My God wasn’t being silent, I just wasn’t listening. I was waiting for specific words and so wasn’t ready to hear what He had to say.
Moving Forward
So! What am I doing now?
First, I’m focusing on my relationship with God. (We’ll talk more about this next week, with other issues there.)
Second, I’ve put my full (professional) attention on my freelance editing job. I’ve made sure my website is in tiptop shape and I’ve got a lot of cover letters and résumés out with publishing houses around North America.
Third, now that I’m listening again, I’m feeling much more qualified to provide blog posts and videos surrounding the topic of hope.
Conclusion
Things aren’t going to be perfect. I’m still going to be extremely busy. I still have to work retail to pay bills until my business picks up.
But you know what’s the greatest? I’ve been strongly reminded that my trust should be in God alone and that’s where I find my worth. He loves me (just like He loves you) even if I’m not succeeding how the world thinks I should be succeeding.
This realization is what led me to know for certain that there is hope in all situations. No matter how dark something may seem, there’s always hope.
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Brittany Stonestreet 